Blog #20

Original Paragraph- Even though we need to stop teen vaping, a deep enough hole has already been dug that a large amount of teens have already become addicted. It’s hard to become unaddicted to anything, but smoking and vaping are especially difficult because teens have made it part of their daily lives, and it makes them feel good. When people try to quit vaping, they will struggle severely, and they. will start to question why they should even quit. Ma argues that the arts can help people cope, “with these issues by engaging, not avoiding, the deep emotions of intimate loss involved and retelling over and over again the story of the human condition and its limits” (2). This is all part of what Ma calls “equilibrium.” If someone has a hard time at school, or has bad social skills and struggles to make friends, people have a hard time finding their meaning in life. Ma defines equilibrium as “what all life forms are seeking in order to survive” (2). Trying to quit vaping is something people will use to question their equilibrium. But using arts to their benefits, but can overcome this self-inflicting battle, and find meaning.

Revised Paragraph-

Even though we need to stop teen vaping, a deep enough hole has already been dug that a large amount of teens have already become addicted. It’s hard to become unaddicted to anything, but smoking and vaping are especially difficult because teens have made it part of their daily lives, and it gives them pleasure. When people try to quit vaping, they will struggle severely, as they will start to question why they should even quit. Ma argues that the arts can help people cope, “with these issues by engaging, not avoiding, the deep emotions of intimate loss involved and retelling over and over again the story of the human condition and its limits” (2). This is all part of what Ma calls “equilibrium.” If someone has a hard time at school, or has bad social skills and struggles to make friends, people have a hard time finding their meaning in life. Ma defines equilibrium as “what all life forms are seeking in order to survive” (2). Trying to quit vaping is something people will use to question their equilibrium, but using arts to their benefits can help them overcome this self-inflicting battle, and find meaning in life. This meaning is the positives of what a non-vaping life would be. This would mean better health, and also it would appeal to other people who don’t want to be around someone who vapes.

Revising this paragraph was tough. To be honest, I feel as if I already include a lot of Klinkinborg style in my writing already. What I mean by this is that I already have a a lot of long, thought out sentences that, when you look at them, can be broken up into smaller sentences. I didn’t really change much to this paragraph other than reword somethings, and move commas to where I thought they belonged. I tried to use some klinkinborg wording as well in this essay, it’s just tough to find places to use it. But knowing what Klinkinborg writing is, I am happy to know that I already naturally do it, even when I didn’t even realize it.